The Journey of a thousand miles part 12:Good days and Bad days

Wow. I'm sure that once I have the surgery, I'll have good days and bad days. This breakup I'm going through right now is the same way. Some days I get up and I'm ready to kick ass and take names and nothing can stop me. Other days, it feels like everything reminds me of her and what we had together and it's all I can do to keep myself together. I was driving to work this morning and something ran through my mind and I broke down crying. Not a lot of time to get myself together before I had to start work. Then while I was at work, she sent me an email with a hint for a Christmas gift for her.

Not helping!

Then when I get home, she mentions that I'm acting a little ill. I didn't say anything right then, but when we were alone, I told her what had happened today and she started feeling bad.

Didn't want that either, now I feel bad for making her feel bad.

I don't know what's going to happen to us in the future, but I know that right now, we need to be apart. Maybe if we can learn to be friends, we can learn to live together again. I also know that if we stay together right now, we'll start hating each other. That's no good either.

Ok, God. I need something really spectacularly good to happen and get my mind off everything for a few days. Keep my parents' need to know in check and let my sister help me keep my parents off my back while I'm visiting them. Most of all, carry me through these trying times until I can find the strength to walk again. Thank you.

On the subject of my surgery, my Doctor has fully released me for the surgery and now I just need to get my psych eval, meet with the nutritionist, and meet with the surgeon and I'll be ready to go.

Happy Thanksgiving, all.

Asta.